Time

... goes by and some things don´t change.

I have been told it will hurt less after a while, that you´re usually over it after two years.
It still hurts and I still can not understand it or really realize it, will that ever change...
Maybe it´s because there have been times I haven´t seen my family for some longer months.

This ring is really special to me:




My father was a goldsmith (among other things) and he was a very traditional man. Formerly you reached the age of consent at 21, not 18. So on my 21st birthday my father came with three golden bracelets and wanted me to chose one of them. I was 21 and he still didn´t get it that I don´t like the color of gold! We got in a fight because I didn´t want to have anything that expensive yet ugly!
It was a real fight and finally I gave in and chose the least ugliest one. That was in January.
I wore it next time for christmas and for him only. I did it to please him honestly (but never wore it since then, I still think it´s ugly).

To my thirtieth birthday he came up with that ring shown above. It was made of white gold - he had learned, it suited us both. It was gold but looked like silver.
He asked my Mom to engrave the date of my thirtieth birthday, not of the day I was born, in cursive letters. The "1" can be read as a "7" and he died of cancer exactly that day when it was the sevenths month of the year. I always have both dates with me, am always reminded of him that way.

I used to wear the ring always, my brother said that´s what it was made for.
September, a day at the stadion, a eurobowl game, luckily - means it costs extra so there weren´t too many people and the rows in front of us were empty.
Suddenly I saw the stone, a real carat, was gone! I was on my knees, searching, the sun already going down. I couldn´t find it!
Finally I sat down, desperate. When suddenly I saw something blinking - the stone!
Seemed to be like a last blink from my father... this really happened!
Turned out the ring was of bad material, the company who sold it had shut down. In the end my brother ordered new material and made the ring himself, he is a goldsmith, too (and an optometrist).
I do trust in his good work but I never wear the ring in the stadion, though.
In the middle you can see my brothers´ stamp, a crown (our name translated is emperor):




I hope my family doesn´t call me at work today. I send an e-mail and hope they understand the sign. I sure would have to fight hard against tears. Two years ago a colleague gave me a white rose on this day. She thought she helps me with that gesture but made it even worse.

I hope research in the fight against cancer will be successfull soon.