Missing

And just now I got a very long E-Mail from my Bro, beginning with "Dear Sister, I was missing...".
(Free pic: That´s where "Cast Away" was filmed)

Problems are getting worse and worse with our Mum, she refuses any help, also from me and she doesn´t talk to my Bro anymore.
She still hasn´t started packing, goes from one sickness to the next - we all, doctor included, think it´s psychic - she has never taken professional help to really grieve for our Dad.
She refuses any help. Gets weaker, doesn´t eat - and probably doesn´t drink enough either.
She is so lethargic.

Bro said he needs a break he cannot take any more of all her accusations.
He says he needs to learn to say no (I agree).
I don´t know what to do anymore either. There is so much stubbornness, so much anger in her - she doesn´t even look forward to her first Grandchild.
Power comes back only when she goes against Bro.

Who is in fight with his wife.

I offered to meet and reassured him, there isn´t much more I can do.

I feel very bad because he trusts me and I cannot say, I know of your Ex (see last post).

Oh, great, next E-Mail. Reveals that she started smoking again. Wonderful. After just having had removed lung-cancer!!!
Now what do I do???? Do I know these "great news"?
And personal hygiene is an issue, too, he says.

Anyone any idea how to help someone who doesn´t want help but obviously needs it badly?
See her doc?

How dumb can one be, to start smoking again. I´m really mad at her.

Addendum...
I wanna keep track of what is happening...
Next mail says, "if - just as an example, I´d seperate from my wife, now, or in a year, I´d be the bad one for Mum" - just an example???? Still no word about meeting the Ex, still nothing to my offers of meeting.
Have the feeling my family is falling apart.
And they use me to do it.

I am so afraid they both ruin their lifes for good - and I just don´t know what to do...