Hard To (Let) Go

There are ... yearly meetups with the Boss. But he left me out not only once.

As you probably know my project is at stake (April next year).
May 2nd was my 10th anniversary in this company (time so runs) and no invation for the meetup came along.

I´m a dork, a whimp. I never dared to ask for a raise (got one once none-the-less) - and the last years it was made clear no one has to ask - with the crisis it´s just not possible.
But now the crisis is over, others were given a raise, I´ve heard.
I´m not in a good position to ask for one with a dying project, no? Being a "career changer" doesn´t help. And things went odd for many, too, some even left.

Today I got the invitation. No hello. Just in bold: "... it was really time..."
Ummm, what?! And on very short notice, Tuesday it is! And 1 1/2 hours!
We adress each other informally, but this was odd - and I kinda panicked.

Went over to two male colleagues and asked if that very-short-notice 1 1/2-hour thing happened to them, too?

They were so helpful!
So kind!
And honest.
And telling me I do a very good job indeed.
And that I have to sell this, too (I know!).

Both said they have a hard time selling themselves well and one came later in my office to tell me in detail - and of his success.

Can you tell I don´t wanna leave?!

My friend was on my side immediately via e-mail-advice and I know she has no time at all.

I asked my team-leader if we can talk - he was very honest and will help me, too. Gave me advise and all.

Still... this is how I feel:

Small. Nervous, Can I do it?
This was me in Stuttgart a while ago, alone on training (on the way to).

ATM I have the perfect job, the perfect team (and a nasty thing coming up on Tuesday) - I just can´t see myself letting go of it all.
I´m sad, I worry.

And I wish it was Tuesday evening.

Why do perfect times have to end?

I can call myself very, very lucky to have FUN doing my job!
I have FREEDOM and people I can call FRIENDS among them.

Why does this have to end?
Where will I end up? It cannot get any better, that seems to be for sure, kinda.

Wish me luck on Tuesday please... And if you have advice, please let me know, too....