Last Warrior

You know how it is?
You put your sad, stupid thoughts down... and then Blogger fails and all is gone.

You still feel sad, mad and not like blogging anymore.
But friends/family are either sick or having fun. You don´t wanna "disturb" anyone.

The rain (pic above) is gone by now.
I still clench my teeth and this post is a lot different to the one I started.

What still is the same:
Ingo is again sick - and mad.
Mum: Mum... Ingo cannot understand...

Well... Tue we go on a (last?) holiday. Bro, Mum and me.
That happened when I was 12 the last time.
She understood this is special... cause she has no chance. For living. Ya know?
Ingo? Who knows?

I am healthy.
Like a horse, we say.
And all around me are sick.
Also Bro, SIL and Wee One (due to Pre-Kindy).

This morning all was still good.
We try to be good people.
I bought a chicken that roamed around free in it´s (still too short) life and payed 15 bucks (€) instead of 3 (!!! weird, huh?!).
Well. Ingo bought a new hotplate a time ago and along with that the whole kitchen-stuff (sink) needed a renewal.

He wanted me to do it (me!!) and got sick inbetween - fighting included - guys, ya know how it is, huh?

No chicken - can throw it away, I guess.
Haaa, why I don´t do it???
Tell me how?
This was a real chicken. With entrails and all. And even without...in my family the men are doing the cooking-stuff, I just don´t know what to do (@ Mandi, if you read along... the pie has to wait, I take receipe and forms to Rügen, maybe we get a chance there)

Ingo made me real mad - but this really was an accident! The pre-owners Daughter damaged all doors but hers and her Parent´s bedrooms....

I only threw my purse away backwards (in anger, I admit!!!) - this is what happened!! (Didn´t realise the door was wide open!)

Suppose the door was close to falling apart anyways, what do you think? This is what we bought:

I am angry at myself that now it´s worse - but... is it really my fault? Dunno. Doesn´t matter anyways.

I didn´t blog the whole time cause, well.
My life is like ### anyways.

I have a great life, ya know???

I love my job.
I love my partner (but does he still love me?)
I am healthy (but all around me are so not)

It´s those two "but"s...

That´s why I didn´t blogged/posted... do I want to remember these times?

I feel like that stupid broken door (cliché), I feel like this so long.
In working life I managed to collect over 110 bucks for a good-bye-pressie for my colleague (!! - I asked what we wanna do with the money... near to no answers!).

In private life... I feel lost for quite a while, not good enough.

But how could Spouse help me anyways? When he´s in pain all the time. Guess he is.

Yeah. See title.
And those can get weak and tiny and useless like me.

I don´t even know if Spouse still "loves" me anymore. I´m not sure if I should publish this.
But I guess.. well.. guess this is just for me anyways. Who´d like to read the stupid thoughts of mine?!

Another weekend blown away with Spouse on his couch and me alone in the bed. Then tomorrow... who knows. Hospital, not talking? I have not much power left.
But no one thinks of stupid me.

Oh! Aw, no. I really hate that Bro thinks it´s normal I get those 4 days off.
He is his own Boss (and probably loosing everything), I´m just an employee... I had 5 weeks off already this year (or more? Due to Mum) and these 4 days are it. Say thanks? Huh?

Well. Long story short... I have to be strong (for others, but who is there for me?)