(Mis-) Understanding

This is about my Mum dying. Yeah, drama again, huh? Yes, it is. Because she is still there. She can listen, she can understand. Well, now they eventually start morphine (did this afternoon), it´ll probably end soon.

Bro is his own Boss. I´m just an employee. I am the only one in my project now, too. We were three people once.

Bro expects me to be there every day.
If I´d do so, I´d loose my job, it´s as easy as this.

My Boss today said, "go!" No, actually he said, "Dear Iris, there are things more important than your job, go see your Mum, and all the best wishes. A."
Whilst I have over 100 km one way, Bro has 15. I am totally night-blind and there is a huge construction-site with blinking lights (oh, and winter!).
When I said I wanna leave so I get home when still light, he didn´t like it. Hello?

We are family, we have to be there for one another.

Yeah, right.
When we came home from our "holiday" in 2008 cause Ingo´s Granma was dying, we stopped shortly at Bro´s place due to some glasses-stuff (he´s an Optometrist).
Ingo looked - in my eyes - much better already.
Bro went all pale in shock, cause actually Ingo looked like our Dad just before he died of Cancer.
Bro went home, to a friend, drank so much he couldn´t work the next day (the joy of being your own Boss, huh?)... and... and??? Never made it to Braunschweig. Never came here to hug me, to be there for me or anything!
Nothing.
Yeah, so much for being family, for being there for one another in the hardest times.
He helped us move, he made the ceiling in the living-room. And he visited twice.
Umm.. yeah, twice. Or was it three times? Me... countless in the same time.

He said a few weeks ago, we need to meet regularly now. We´ll also come to Braunschweig at least once.

I still wait.

All the new stuff we have. After all my Mum paid a lot for this, too. When I said, you have to come here one time she was like, "one?!".
Yeah, right. Now it´s none.

Should I say something, should I be honest?
Back then I daily thought... will Ingo still be alive when I return home from work?
Yes, he was. In pain.
Then he was gone, in hospital in Lübeck at his Bro´s (Doc), far away, I had to work.
Was my Brother there for me?
No.

This is what Ingo realized, too.
It´s all to one-sided.
The way from their home to ours is loooong. Ya know? Big City, complicated.

But we´re over in no time, huh?

They have own parking spaces. We always have to remember where we left the cars and often have to circle around to find a place at all when it´s late in the evening. Yes.
We chose the city.
Still.

I am angry and disappointed.

Who is right, Bro or I? Why is he never there for me but demands me to be there for them?
My Spouse nearly died and he totally left me alone.
And now again speaks of being there for your family.
I just don´t get it.

I am thankful he talks to the docs and all (if Mum was here and I was... aw, ya know, I´d do it too!)

Right now I am very sad and also very angry.
If anyone still reads along... do you have any suggestion what to do?

Tell of my my disappointment, my anger, my mis-understanding? Tell him he totally left me alone when my own partner nearly died, the Love of my life?
And now tells me such stupid stuff of "family"?
Ignoring the fact that I work 45 minutes more every day so I can have a day or two off each month for family?

I am so... sad, mad, all.

Now I know why I get a pressie nearly all day in my Advent-calendar. My friend P. probably had a guess :-(