What Is Difficult?

Mum is dying (insert drama here, but it´s true).

Bro was suggesting I go see my Doc.
At first - oh, and this is a post about me, feel free to skip it - at first the muscles of my thigh (front) did hurt (still do). I had the explanation that the stairs to the hospital might be the reason.

Then the muscles on the other side started hurting, like real bad (for a healthy person like me). No idea where this comes from.
Bro suggested I cramped in sleep?

Anyhows. I didn´t go see the doc.
Buckling the bike up from the cellar, cycling with aching muscles (or loosing the place where I left my car, taking the car... New Years is coming and this place is rather safe for the car) gah, no. Then I´d had to wait endlessly... she takes her time for each and every patient - and she would´ve made me cry, who wants that?!).
So... no way.

So. Here I sit in my PJs.
Just got an E-Mail from friend P who sits at her PC in her PJs.
She asked when I stroll in. I don´t. Found Aponal, an antidepressant my Doc subscribed me ages ago (I checked the date, it´s ok).
She wanted me to take it so I find sleep better. Just in case someone reads along and wonders.
I just wonder (I wonder al lot these days, huh?) why I get "allo, allo, je t' aime, je t'aime" screamed at me from the TV? Je ne t'aime pas, but I need indeed washing powder!
Anyhows.

Life, huh?
It can be the best thing in the world. And the worst and all inbetween. But some day it has to end.
I kinda love the story of Highlander.
Live forever, see everything develop. From Zuse-PC to iPad and all

Oh, boy, I tell ya/myself. Doc isn´t stupid. I´m getting tired from this stuff.

Whilst Bro is in total panic-mode... I kinda. Am different.
My Mother is dying. This minute, like all the other minutes and hours and days.
Bro said she is off contact.
Her heart is so darn strong, she cannot leave this place. She is in no pain.

Call me bad. I can´t find myself in the car driving all the way when my Mum maybe feels I´m there, but probably not.
I went through all this with my Dad.
Only.... Ingo lived in a different place.

What is diffcult? One of the things is being me.
Bro would want me in hospital 24/7 at my Mum´s side. Spouse... aw well.

It´s difficult to find the right way. So many accidents happen and since Ingo told me of his flat tyre that decided to happen at 120 km/h... I´m even more in panic.

We could´ve had a week for us.
Didn´d happen.

Mum...