Shoes, A Pastor, Meds And I

To my my total surprise there now was a Reno-Shoe-Shop opposide Bro´s Shop.
I went in and found some super-cute green shoes, summer shoes, high-heels. I can´t walk in them, but tried them on none-the-less.
And then I simply walked out.
Did I get in barefooted?

I´d never ever do that. Really, never. Not pay.
Plus... we have stormy, rainy, cold winter-weather and there is no space for such a shop there.
And how would I "walk" out in shoes like that?!
Plus... Reno... gah.

My friend P was suddenly there, too and I told her I had "something" to do in there, but the shop was closed. I wanted to give em back, secretly.

P opened the door and they were on total sale, full of people, that tiny shoe-shop.
I saw the most creative shoes, green ones, mostly, often in my size even and tried some on.
P found some shoes with "fur" and asked me to look and if they suit her.
I really tried to help her and afterwards looked down and found myself in old, ugly brown shoes way too big for me.
And never found the green ones I wanted to give back.

What did happen?

Long story short: I went to the little pharmacy around the corner yesterday, needed two things, one a Tranquilizer, which they had to order. I said I wanna pay now - like always! (with my ever-needed eye-drops, they always have to order) - wondered about the low price, but really... these days I´m not my usual self.
Came back at 6 pm and the other girl wanted me to pay for the darn Tranquilizer. I was like huh? I had no money with me.
The first girl is a bit dumb. I usually pay for everything, why would I split it and make it more complicated?!
I was told to take the meds home and pay later.

And still felt so bad that I dreamed such a weird stuff about "stealing"!

Long story long:
I called my doc yesterday after I kinda lost in when trying to talk to the Pastor about Mum. I got teary, hands shivering, even my legs were jiggling.
The Pastor is probably a wee bit older than I, longer hair, very open-minded, understanding, clever, also good-looking ;-)
I calmed down, also cause Bro talked like forever.
We were to talk about Mum´s life-story and tried to find out when she was working in Helgoland.
On the chair I sat the coat my Mum gave me ages ago was hanging. She had bought it in 1965 in Helgoland, that I knew.
The Pastor tried a peek but, well... I was sitting there, right?
When he left I had Mum´s last days so present again, I was about to "loose" it again, but saw the Pastor took a longer look at the coat.

Terminal care... these shoes just are too big for me.
That´s why I called my Doc and asked for help.
I try to find the right dose today.
I don´t wanna nearly "break" down like I did on Dad´s funeral.

Am I weird, weak or what else? Did you accompany some loved ones in their last, difficult days, is it normal to need so much time to get over it?
I dread the funeral tomorrow.
Do you have tried Tranquilizers?
"Good" thing: Doc turned my "holiday" into sick-leave. This really is no holiday.