We don´t have a couch, we have a swing.
In the living room. Ingo said I´m nuts, a swing in the living room?! He loves it.
And I want a coach. Not a couch, a coach.
I am SO fed up.
Doctors. Sorry, if you are one, I hope you are honest. Here, they want to make money, or have to (not my dentist, can you believe this??? Of all doctors I pick my dentist to be a good one! I am "afraid" of her, too! Bought her Mon Cherié again, so she won´t hurt Ingo too much ;-))
"Burn out", I was told.
I got myself out of the darn situation, with art, then sport. 20 km in 3 hours. Not bad, huh?
"No", my doc said, again, "you are NOT fit to work" (I was, too!!!).
T said: Treat yorself, I did!
Sent me to a neurologist.
"You do WHAT?" Sport?! 05:00 a.m.?! No burn out, with burn out you can´t even get up, you are depressed!"
NO!
Citalopram. Forever.
2km, 45 minutes. I had to stop all the time, no power anymore.
(Trying to see the nice things!)
Blast trauma.
2 weeks waiting, it´ll be OK.
No.
3 weeks stupid meds. Not better.
Cortisone (I told the doc I have an allergy).
Lost 1/3 of my hair, my hearing there is near to gone, still.
I will never hear on that ear like before (OK, no drama, 55% gone, or more, I still hear a bit).
Doc sent me to another, "depression", right.
Opipram.
My brain does not want to be cheated. My Brother is the same, these meds don´t work but MAKE you sick.
I said, "NOOOO! I am FIT, I can work!!!" (after I was "me" again, off stupid, useless meds, it takes a while).
They: "No, you are sick!" A woman at the agency stated that after talking to me for 11 minutes, not having asked my doctors. Maybe 12 minutes :-(
And you know why?
Sick, "I am" as in "cannot work 3 hours a day" - so they don´t have to pay cause the money goes to people who NEVER worked here.
Trump, Merkel... I long lost my faith in politics.
I get a job offer. "We´re an international company in Braunschweig.... Beverages are free"....
Huhhh???? You need to say that?! A steak every day would be worth to mention, but beverages? My Brother has a very small company. He gets juice, water, coffee, tea for "the women", that is NORMAL.
Then:
"Your work place will be in Wolfsburg."
NO. No!!!
Job center: "Go to your Doctor, get a certificate you cannot work more than 10 km from home" (I had a car accident).
Did.
Job-agency: "We pay.. we do not pay.. we pay... we do not..." ... I´m with "lawyers", they try (it´s a social service).
Job offer. Nonesense. You can give me a job as a ... dentist, that far away from my possibilities it was.
Me... telling them, asking for a coach - he, or she, I was told, knows what is on in Braunschweig, what I can get and do!
Answer from job center:
"You don´t get a coach, you are sick".
Hm? Job offer???? What???? How???? Sick?? DECIDE!!!
Yesterday I was to meet my "lawyer".
Guess.
She called me. She is... sick.
BUT!
She has more "power" than I do and will demand a coach for me, before going home, sick.
They, the job center, the doctors, the wrong medication STOLE MY TIME.
My partner has no understanding no more.
No coach, I might RUIN my chances to work in Braunschweig.
And... depression sneaks up.
Certainly.
I feel useless.
I don´t want to work in Wolfsburg, Hannover, Salzgitter, I did not move to my beloved Braunschweig to risk my life every working day to go to another town to earn money to make a living!!
I did this some ### 16 years!!!
DESPITE the accident, DESPITE being afraid of driving.
I´m DONE with that.
(Autobahn... you can go as fast as you want in most places. 200 km/h or more! BOOM a car is behind you, the driver flashing the lights - or more. - I go, say, 100 km/h only a tad faster to overtake a truck.)
NO.
I WANT TO WORK.
HERE!!!!
Yes, online, try that to find work that way.
Make it wrong, ruin your chance.
NO.
Coach.
I want that help. I have A RIGHT!!!!
Sorry this was no fun post.
I´m a person, I have (very) bad times at "times".
Plus! Once you´re out long enough... it feels OK.
Or not, Sometimes I wanna SCREAM. So many "if"´s. But others are off way worse, I´m OK. Kinda.
Did you "fight" with so-called authorities? Did you win, how? Crazy here (Job offer, no coach cause I´m sick)....
Lion of the day:
Soon he´ll have water again! (and me, work!).
18 comments:
...Pffff, I guess so! When we were married 52 years ago I was a student and our 'couch' was a mattress on the floor covered with a green blanket, we still have the blanket. A swing, I could go for that. My doctors are GREAT, I have no complaints. You mean to tell me that brussels sprouts soup is a treat? NO THANKS! A fake plant? Get a real one, it will cheer you up.
Ohhh, you still have that blanket, that is sweet!
My doctors just want money, or so it seems.
Y-hesss, Brussels Sprouts are a treat - you are always welcome and I make some for you, you will agree (other, I make a Toast Hawaii for you!).
My avocado tree died. That did not cheer me up.
Ich hoffe dass Du bald wieder eine geeignete Arbeit findest and kann wieder zur Ruhe kommen. GlG, Valerie
I don't have a doctor and haven't had one in over 20 years. I've heard that meds can make you sicker than you were before you got sick. I have to be on my death bed before I take an aspirin. Hope you soon get rid of the "ifs" and get some real answers.
I just got a new couch, because a swing wouldn't work in my office. I am not sure how the "boys" would handle it, either. Squiggles thinks the new couch is his personal scratching post, though.
Valerie, danke, ja, das wünsche ich mir soooo sehr!!! Aber die Ängste des Versagens sind so wahnsinnig groß.
Und es soll endlich Braunschweig sein.
Positiv denken... Danke. Fürs Da-Sein.
_____
Elizabeth, oh... "Lucky you"? An apple a day, right. Not even a dentist?! Now I am jealous ;-)
Yes, the stupid ifs... Way too many.
Don´t you have space? How about a swing outside? Read a book, watch a movie, soooo comphy and soothing and scratching your claws (... well not yours!) might be difficult, too!
Off Iris ... apparently somewhere in mantra we are sisters … 🤷
We are devoured by "Citalopram" who does not help and we are annoyed by the doctors din being worse than a night nurse!
I also want a good dentist! Mine is a disaster ...
And I also want a "swing" ... but not in the living room ... in my hobby room ... who knows ... someday!
Brussele Sprouts soup ... never ate, but I don't think it's tasty! No way!
While I look at the "lion of the day" ... I have to pee ... can you hear how the water is bubbling ?!
Quote of the day “I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am ... and I am already exhausted.”
― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
Have a "no citalopram" day! LOL
Hugs! 🤗
In the clinic I came across people that have been on anti-depressants for years and years and I can't see that they feel any better or have more oomph for life.
I have to agree that medication cannot be the (only) way to raise your spirits and certainly if you feel ready to work, why should the Dr oppose that, when being busy is a good way to feel good? That is ridiculous Iris, hope you win your fight and get a coach and a job nearby.
xxx
Ella! We should shout out loud:
NO to Citalpram!!!!
You, too, I´m sorry....
My denstist(s) - two women - are great! (Still I´m afraid!).
My first swing was €99 and OK for small people - this one Ingo bought, €300 and much better!
There is YAY or NAY to Brussels Sprouts, I get that ;-)
I have a mini Lion just like that, with real water here! Our loo is quite nice.
:-)
Yes. Try again, try some more :-( The side effects will go away - NO, they do NOT! Exhausted I was! I thought I die (went - on doctors orders!!!) frim 100% to 0%!)
Never again, right, Sister! Hugs!
____
Sami, right! I NEVER felt better!
Plus - I was not depressive in the first place!
Disappointed, sad, burned out cause it´s been too much working non-stop, having guiding Dad to cancer death, Bro in his bad phase, Ingo nearlx dead, Mum dying.... all that.
My BRAIN was tired, my heart, but I was not depressive and I TOLD them!
Thank you, Sami, I hope for a job IN BRAUNSCHWEIG very soon!
Thank you for being here xxx
You sounds pretty frustrated today. I get it. I have my own issues with doctors, particulary my allergist. Grrrr. But I love the swing instead of a couch though. Very cool Iris. Hugs-Erika
Erika, thank you for the laugh, I need a coach, though, not a couch :-)
Allergies must be awful, too. Best wishes.
Hugs, Iris
Wow, a swing on the living room sounds so cool and fun! My son would love it for sure☺
Having a swing instead of a couch sounds adventurous. It wouldn't work for me because I like to curl up with the couch cushions and blankets. I looked at the side-effects of citalopram and I can see how you are in trouble with it! Now google will send me ads for depression meds, because they keep track of every search you do and draw their own feeble-minded conclusions.
Good luck with getting back to your own normal!
best... mae at maefood.blogspot.com
Oh, Iris, I feel your frustration in these words. You DO need a coach. I didn't know that these could be made available but if they are, you do. And you DO need to work. I don't understand why, when you are feeling good, that something can't be found, even if it wasn't the most exciting thing in the world. At least it would be work and that would show them you were fine and can do more. I'm so sorry you have to fight so hard.
It's of little comfort, but if it was me, I'd get on that swing and suck my thumb and marshal my resources for the next part of the battle. Because you are strong and determined and you will win.
You're right to be frustrated.
I'm not sure I am understanding everything here. I understand you want to work but can't get a job in your town. I don't understand why you want a coach, what for? to help you with job applications? to teach you how to write them? And if you cannot work because of depression (only since the car accident?) then can you not get a pension instead? Like now when you are not working, how do you get money to live?
Natalia, it is fun indeed!
____
Mae, I do curl up, you only need someone who swings, I have Ingo for that job :-)
I´m off darn meds, no worries, but they made this situation so miserable and I told that darn "doctor" I´m not depressive, too...
I thought about telling her off officially, but... too much trouble, not worth it.
____
Jeanie, no one I ask understands.
"Normally" people fake being sick to not work...
Thank you, Jeanie, I might take a beer instead of my thumb, though, and Ingo to do the swinging :-)
____
William, yes, and I am...
A swing! Now why doesn't that surprise me at all Iris 💙 Hopefully one day in the not too far future you will look back on this period like it was a bad dream! You and Ingo must stay strong together xox
Grace :-) No one says a swing has to be outside! :-)
Yes, a bad dream. Thank you for being here xox
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