... hopes blown.
It´s stinkin` hot in 4th floor, very humid, no wind, try to concentrate in that.
And I´m "programming" the Bundesliga - voting.
Make a mistake and "you get into trouble big" - to some this is very, very serious.
I was so hoping for good news from my teamleader.
Not the case.
Today they start chemotherapy on his very, very weak girlfriend.
Chances of survival aren´t high.
I don´t know her, but somehow I´m certainly back at all this s##t with each my parents, with Ingo´s different sickness.
He nearly already cries when he - before M arrives - tells me everything.
It´s so not fair.
First, a nasty divorce.
(Yes, we know each other for years and years)
Finally a new chance and after just a few years this sickness.
They never found out, implied even she has an eating disorder, it´s all "just mental".
It´s going on since October and just before my holiday they found out there is "something that takes up space".
Darn, f#####g cancer it is.
I so´d wished it´s benign, it´s not.
Even if the therapy works they give her but 5 years max. She´s in her early 50s.
Sorry, I just have to get it out, it´s so sad and sickening.
Teamleader feels responsible for her 21-y-o-son, too.
Whose father took his life a couple of years ago.
Why so much crap for him?
And I have the feeling just listening isn´t enough, but what else can I do.
Yes, I tell what Ingo told me how he felt when he thought life is finally fading. But does it help?
How things had much improved with my Mum compared to my Dad´s. And that it´s (some freaking) 5 years of development since.
How I felt after they passed, like suddenly after feeling sick for days getting hungry upon the message she finally "has made it" - does it help or do I make it even worse, I have no idea.
We fly to the Moon and back, to Mars even.
Addendum:
Went outside to read and saw this frustrating sight, not sure what to do about it - renew, let go for the season?
Just suits my situation, no?
But then ...
We had a rather good weekend, Ingo and I.
I put a lille "love-letter" in his lunch-box.
Not a word.Or hug. Just a "what do you want?!" on letting him know I have to go to the garage (and hence I can´t... omg forget it)...
Yes, he needs to go to hosp.
But ignoring me like that. I feel just left down. And I´m afraid for him, too.
Reckon Bro is on holiday, no answers on e-mails, I´m so fed up, holiday-feeling is gone for sure.
I know.. just little stuff on my side.
I´m the ole rubbish-bin again.
4 comments:
Life is difficult when there is health problems Iris, you never know what each day is going to bring. I wish Ingo would have appreciated your romantic gesture, men are often too down to earth oui. It's really hard for balcony plants to survive the heat, personally I wouldn't try, there must be another 'no watering' way to cheer up your balcony. It's hard but try and stay positive Iris xx
Thank you, Grace! xx
Yes, too down to earth or to occupied with the hosp-stay, I dunno. Mars and Venus, oui? ;-)
(all "good" again).
Ingo... we (!) forgot to drill holes so the water can escape if needed, so they just drowned, those poor fellas. Now I´m a murderer after all ;-)
Not easy having to listen to your colleagues problems, I think when we can't do anything to solve those problems it makes it harder for us, as if we're failing them...
As for the flowers plant some new seeds. Good luck!
He called me 5 times on my way home (he should know the times I´m driving, he usually sits beside me!). On a re-call an sms: all is fine, see you tomorrow.
5 times for "all is fine"? Will see Wed morno...
I took basil and parsley outside and next season I´ll know better, right?
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