Back in the day.
Weekend-relationship, me one room in a crampy apartment, flat-sharing, every Friday after uni I drove the 60 km to Ingo(´s Grandma´s) place.
Ingo had his usual job, I had learned, learned, learned, studied etc, I.Was.Exhausted..
Lead up to constant migraine even No headaches, real migraine. Whole weekend, over months and months (with help I got it under control! Acupuncture is great!).
Ingo had a weekend, two days off, often preparing the most wonderful meals - a fun pleasure.
With changes of where we spent the weekends it stayed the same.
Ingo his usual, for me new, new, new.
Fast forward. 16 years a steady job on my side, new stuff once in a while. Ingo now 10. years.
I start at zero again and all over since 4 years.
I.am.exhausted.
Ingo made it to the King in his job. Routine.
I start ALL OVER - again, competing with youngsters.
It´s not going well.
It´s no engineering it´s "interpretation" - if I am right?
The lady who is to help me... I feel like in a ... silly-camp.
Clear question from my side. She: "I think...".
I can think/assume, too. I need help.
I feel helpless, yet I do my part in our relationship like taking care of Ingo´s brekkie, lunch and other management, but at one point I just want... a hug. Understanding.
But people forget!
Like my Brother.
He studied and lived in the heart of Cologne. A fight to get the car parked.
All forgotten, Braunschweig is the same. I get accusations when I wanna leave early from his home so I don´t park kilometers away from home (the past, I have no car no more. But get back home in the dark as a woman alone from the train station... dangerous!)
I am exhausted.
Of the cold, grey, dark, ugly weather. Since forever.
Starting later than the others due to teacher´s sickness, time pressure, no help...
Tried to make up for the missing days Saturday and Sunday, doing the tests others had time for three more weekdays.
Exhausted.
30 years ago I´d managed. Now...?
I meet no person. All I have is e-mail. It´s all online.
Motivation is gone...
Where/What did I run into?
Ingo is in his own world.
I can´t remember a fun weekend. There are pieces and bits.
Hope we find each other again.
Sorry, this needed to get out to find power to go on.
Also: Ingo got us pressies and a new PC (which sadly does not work and has to go back, yuck!) , great food etc. Not all is bad!
A new week, a new start - bitterly cold, but the sun is out!!
For the mural and a bloody sausage just scroll down...
17 comments:
Terrible! You have experienced incredible hardship.
No... at least I am healthy!!!!!
Just exhausted and I don´t have the right tools....
...I hope that your troubling times become terrific times.
Thank you, Tom!
{{{Du}}}
Danke... nur müde...
I hear you, Iris. All I can say is do what you can to get the physical rest you need so that the emotional strain can be better dealt with. I trust you are sharing your feelings with Ingo, and I hope he is hearing you as well. Meanwhile, biggest hugs from across the pond.
Thank you, Jeanie! Ingo has been there, too, but loooong ago. I hope it all gets better soon - thank you for the hug - it arrived for sure!
I often would love a hug from my husband. He isn't a hugger kind of guy, never has been. But if I ask, he'll give me one. But I don't often ask unless I really need it.Would Ingo hug you if you asked? And relationships can be exhausting. But they can be uplifting too. But when your exhausted, it probably seems they are more exhausting just because you're exhausted. I agree with Jeanie, keep talking. Sometimes it takes awhile before you're both on the same page. hugs-Erika
Big Hugs My Dear - Stay Strong ,
Cheers
If it was possible to send a box of hugs and sunshine I would post one today. 🌞🌞🌞
Sending hugs
Yes, he does hug and kiss, too, I think he just has forgotten how one can feel under such stress and gets a bit frustrated that I am so exhausted. Thank you for your kind words - it hopefully gets better! Hugs
Thank you, I give my best!
Thank you, it worked, the sun will shine again today!
Thank you.
I feel You! I asked my hubby of 40 years to tell my just one time he has done something to help me. He couldn't. How sad is that?
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