It all was just a misunderstanding. Ingo grabbed bread at the grocery store.
Just bread. Nothing more.
I thought he does it cause he´s mad at me. Which made me mad and I left.
Which made Ingo mad...
Sometimes we´re just.... dumb.
You know.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Ranting by or for myself here, just skip the whole thing, please.
I only need to get it out. 11:30 - I´ve only got this blog to "talk to".
Spouse said: "Leave me alone." - which I did after taking that first step (asking to be "OK") - cause I love him, huh? Can anything be that bad that we fight like this, see last post.
I did it none-the-less - leave him alone cause I know it means respect for him and it´s of very high value to him (and he knows how I struggle, how much it hurts me to "leave alone").
It just doesn´t matter anyhows anymore, it seems (for him).
I wanna be respected, too! (Is this really a "one-way-road"?)
But if he (or someone else I care about) says, "I´m sorry" - I´m usually absolutely ok with it. I´m not resentful.
Second night alone. Guess I´ll just watch stupid TV.
Maybe somewhere I can find Petrocelli?
Surely not.
We´re Germany :-(
I don´t even care to insert pics.
I "hate"/find it hard(er) to read long posts without pics. Another reason I don´t add any - to scare you off. Hah-ha... Why would I even want to remember this???
Ordered a Pizza that came 10 minutes early (I admit.. .I love to watch the "Simpsons" for dinner - unhealthy, but "fun") - Pizza was/is way too hot, I could hardly bare the taste. Second half (haha. blog-title still justified) will be even hotter, but I´ll take it, I´m me (and next time let them know I´m a whimp, too - (ordered this for the 5th time).
Rambling, feeling self-pity.
I had a "shitty" week. Stupid root-canal-treatment was No.Fun! (and Spouse was there for me).
Today was supposed to be a check-up only but my dentist... heck. I don´t even know what exactly she did? It hurt and I tasted blood. She´d poked my gum due to some reason. She explained, too. I didn´t understand and she was talking away (try to ask with mouth wide open, hurting) ...
Wasn´t that bad. Will have to go back on Wed and she announced she has some more in line for me.
Will be paid for by health insurance.
And she is really nice, too, trying to calm me down, explaining where this stupid anxiety comes from and that it´s normal (kinda, for some people).
NOTE: Never ever admit you´re on holiday and staying home --> be available in the mornings for three weeks for your dentist.
Lesson learned.
I feel like running away from it all.
It hurts real bad to not be able to talk to him.
He just knows how to hurt me - or does he? Maybe not.
Maybe I´m not worth as much to him as he´s to me, so he thinks I´m all right? (am not)
There was some Blogger-stuff "pour your heart out".
I read some. I´m not "officially" involved and this is not even about it. I ... well.
When stuff goes bad, I blog about it cause it helps me (- lack of friends?! - being introvert? Makes no sense cause... ack. No. Guess no one but me... has the patience to go trough this.. un-pictured post anyhows.)
This is no... "..." ack, sorry, I don´t wanna ... ya know. Jugde anyone.
I just am honest here, good or bad.
Yes, I don´t give away EVERYthing. But lots.
Too much?
I´m a normal person, no, life is not flowers and happy times always, huh?
(We call it life is no "Ponyhof" and sure it is no?)
hah :-)
Maybe I should just add the label "dumb", "sad", "alone at home".
Well. What I wanted to say... respect. He could just kiss me and all would be good, no?
I don´t feel good.
This "summer" was crap all over.
Maybe I´m "just" deeply depressed?
Not knowing where to go job-wise in addition? Rumors... I hate them. Yet I fail to get in action.
Human disaster roam around as well as financial ones.
Africa, Greece, Italy, Germany, Unites States...
Ha. I don´t have that much money anyways, go ahead, polititians, ruin us - you have enough money, each one of you.
Child murderer Gaefgen gets 3000 € "loss compensation" cause back then police threatened him with tortue if he refuses to admit his crime (to find the poor boy alife) - See FB-entry.
Some times are just too dark for a "civilised", "rich" person to take.
I´ll sleep bad tonight, if at all.
Sometimes I wish I was so sick as he was in 2008 and he´d worry about me as I did about him.
This is very sick, I know.
And I do not wish for it at all.
Well, as we all know... the more "secure" our lives are... health-wise, finacially-wise, too... and all the other (like having great colleagues for the most part, making work turn into fun)... the more we (or I) whine about things like this.
I think he´s with me still, no?
He refuses to write his "last will" - just one of the many worries (if THAT happened... I wouldn´t care about life no more for... who knows how long - and the condo would very likely be gone, me giving only 30% of value).
I have to see the positive side.
I´m healthy and have a good job, owe no one nothing (heck)!! According to my Mum I´m anything BUT positive.
I hope Spouse - who has had heaps of stress job-wise - will... make it be ok.
So my stupid throat stops hurting and I can sleep.
Is there anything better than sharing one sheet?
I feel like S###.
No comments:
Post a Comment