I feel the need to explain last post´s last picture.
It was a hot summer´s Sunday arvo in August 2002.
Ingo and I were still in a weekend-relationship, one weekend here, the other there, I was in his place this time.
Door bell.
My Brother, devastated. Concentrated.
He handed me over his car-keys (I had no company car yet).
The doctors said our Dad won´t make it this time. Cancer will win. 2+ weeks only.
"Can you please help me guiding him in his last days?"
From being happiest being with Ingo it turned to BOOM, as if someone´d hit me badly on the head (Dad´d beat cancer before).
Like my whole head was covered in cotton, I had the feeling I cannot see nor hear no more.
It was all blurry.
Now, I give you google data, Rhüden > Wolfsburg is 84 km.
And I dunno if it was wise to drive under that condition, but I did, worked 8 hours like a robot, went home, Wolfsburg > Braunschweig, 40 km.
I.Could.Not.Go.To.Göttingen to my Dad that day. I could not.
I went home, parked the car, hopped on my push-bike, went to the tattoo-studio that is right by "Wok-Man", a yummy Chinese take-away.
Sponanously. No thinking, no research, my head was still wrapped up in cotton.
That was before Scoliosis hit, I was 1,64 m "tall".
Not the size to brave up and walk into a tattoo-studio by oneself, huh, but I did.
Asked for motives, picked a tribal (we had our ups and downs, but we´re one tribe after all), got a date on Wednesday, went home, fell into bed.
Was into flat sharing and they all wondered why I went to sleep at 7:00 pm.
Then for - apart that Wednesday - I went Braunschweig > Wolfsburg 40 km > working 8 hours > Göttingen 140 km > Braunschweig 110 km, seeing bad, bad things, Dad was... it was painful, sad, it hurt big time.
Sadly I reckon many of you went through this, also.
That Wednesday I got my first tattoo.
It hurt. It helped.
Years later I watched a docu where they revealed many people who lost or are about loosing a person get a tattoo.
I NEVER thought about getting one, it was an automatism.
My heart beat my brain.
The pain goes physical, it helps...
I have none for my Mum.
I wanted to, but somehow... I made peace with her leaving.
Which is weird as we were closer than Dad and I.
The heart has no logic.
I thought about it. An eye combined with the flower (Iris/eye/optometrist)...?
But when you need to THINK it does not come from the heart.
Yes, I do have tattoos.
They have a story.
Yet. I feel I have to explain.
It is stupid!
They are "private" but you get them on places others see them - why? Maybe cause they help ME.
My first one, "Dad´s" one I can only see in the mirror, and believe me, I don´t look in the mirror often ;-)
No one sees it but Ingo.
Ingo says, these days tattoos are nothing to be ashamed of.
But so many people get tattoos just to have such a darn thing! There are docus all over about people who want them removed BECAUSE they did not think in the first place, likely for different reasons like me, they want to be "cool", I needed pain-direction.
Mine have a story, be it happy like the little Koala, be it sad.
A look on the lille fella, and I remember my Perth-friends and how lucky I am.
Ingo and I share one, too.
And yet I feel I have to justify.
And no, I don´t have a Henry...
But I see many here who have.
How about you? (in general, not Henry-wise ;-)...)
Do I need to explain at all?
28 comments:
What an amazing story, Iris. I'd never heard that people get tattoos when they lose someone. But if it helped your pain, then I suspect it was OK.
Ingo is right. Lots of people have them these days. However, we are conditioned when young, and my grandmother told me that only "loose" women got tattoos. I was never even tempted and still don't care for them, but that is just my upbringing, and has nothing to do with my attitude to them (on other people) in general.
Henry looks good today, too.
Elizabeth, yes, I never knew, either, but was reassured when I saw that docu.
It feels like having a part of my Father with me, as stupid as it sounds...
Henry says thank you :-)
...add me to the list of people who NEVER thought of getting a tattoo.
Ich kann Deine Begründung verstehen, würde mich aber nie tätowieren lassen. Mah dir einen schönen Samstag, ich gehe gleich wieder Gassi. GlG, Valerie
I don't have any tattoos Iris but I have absolutely no problem when people do. I would never judge anyone on the basis of a tattoo, it's more about a person's character, are they kind etc. Your koala tattoo is gorgeous, the artist did an amazing job 💙💜
Tom, I thought so! Hence my wish to explain...
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Valerie, es sind Tröster geworden.
Wir gehen auch gleich los, auf einen schönen Tag, GlG, Iris
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The artist was a Kiwi, Grace :-)
A Braunschweig-Kiwi. We got along so well he added his national bird.
Some people judge cause there are also dumb people around, it´s cliché, right?
Good morning, thank you for sharing your story with us-big hugs.
I was brought up like Elizabeth-only "bad" girls got tattoos and my parents added-no dancing, no make up, no playing pool, no going to bars a different world now for sure
Happy weekend hugs
Kathy, I kinda was brought up like that, also! That´s why I feel I have to explain. Times change, right?
Hugs to you and a happy weekend!
yes different times now for sure
Thank you for sharing your story and your pain. I understand how you felt. I never had an interest in getting a tattoo, though. But there are many different ones that look fantastic.
Kathy, yes. A bit...
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Anne, I never expected this to happen, it just did.
But now I really just can take a look and feel better... And I met nice people through it, too.
Well, a tattoo of a koala bear is cute. My niece has bad tattoos - hand grenade on her neck, a gun on her right shoulder and bullets on her left shoulder. And she is a hospice nurse.
Is there a reason for those tattoos?
I don't have any tattoos, mainly I think because I'm scared of needles, but have nothing against people who have tattoos as long as it's not overboard. Karina has one on her calf, but Thomas has a whole arm full of them.
I have never felt the need to get a tattoo so I haven't, but I know lots of people who have them. Most get them to mark a life event so that each tattoo has a story attached to it, but a few just like the patterns and colours all over their bodies. I quite like hearing the stories behind each tattoo and although your story is sad I can see how it gives the tattoo so much meaning. Be proud of who you are, Iris :)
I like your little Koala!
Sami, to be honest.. I cannot look at how the artist is working. Same when donating blood, I cannot look!
It does hurt. But it makes the person you do it for more special...
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Thank you, Margaret. Those are kind, assuring words. Thank you :-)
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RedPat, yep, a cutie-pie! :-)
We all have stories to share or not to share. Thanks for sharing yours, the tats have meaning to you and that is good. Raining hard here now. :(
Have a wonderful evening, Iris. Just add a h to your name and you'll be irish, how cool is that. :)
Bill ;-)
Clown, you!
I never thought of having a tattoo nor do I judge people who do have tattoos. I look upon it as an adornment rather than a comforting symbol. To each his own, and if justifying having one makes one feel good. So be it. Cheers!
Interesting post about getting tattoos for comfort. I had never thought of that. Personally, I would never get one because I have a needle phobia, but everyone seems to have them these days, including my grandchildren, and I don't judge them for it.
I don't have any tattoos, but three of my children do. One son has his children's names and several other tattoos, other son has artistic designs similar to Maori tattoos, he designs them himself, and one daughter has I think eight tattoos. One grand daughter has a rose, copied from a photo she took in, was her other grandmother's favourite flower, a particular type of rose.
I have never considered a tattoo ... I lived in a prison half-way house in 70s and girls who had them were going through a lot of pain to have them removed as they were not cool in the 70s. The only other person I knew with a tattoo was my Uncle who was a sailor ... they were cool for them.
magiceye, thank you. And Cheers!
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Great-Granny Grandma, I was "surprised, too!
And... I cannot watch, not when getting a tattoo, not when donating blood, I cannot look at it, brrr.... ;-)
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River, wow, that sounds like a tattoo-family for sure ;-)
My family rather "disapprovesy" and my family is my younger Brother, too! (No one else left).
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Joan Elizabeth, I´ve never heard of prison half-way houses and googled it. May I ask how you lived there, as in why?
I could not bring myself to get tattoos.
I never thought of it, either...
You don't need to explain a thing, Iris. I'm glad you did, simply because it was interesting and I loved learning your perspective. But choices like that are deeply personal. We do what we need to do to get through grief. If it has helped, then that's what matters. Me? I couldn't do it. And I really don't understand people who do it all over their bodies. Lots and lots, and lots more, especially just to be trendy. But this -- this deeply personal with meaning and it is a good reminder to never judge, even the full body versions!
Jeanie, yes, those who do it just to "do it"...
It´s different here.
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