It has to go out.
This is "my diary", right.
I lost my job.
Of 17 years.
One colleague said, and he was right, look for a job whilst you still have one, makes a better appearance.
True.
BUT
I could bore you endlessly.
Long story short, I asked about my company car being a pool car and of my money and got terminated instead.
It was a SHOCK.
A colleague just suffered the same (minus the car), took me in her arms and I cried, WE cried, Our "old" boss would not have done this, he´d found a solution.
As he did before. And I even offered 80% payed work in bad times, "no".
New boss has his horses in Southern Germany, he has money.
I could not look for a job. I was down, many other reasons for that, also.
Went in my "holiday" I had to take to the job centre.
Was early, she was, too.
"Oh, IT, all documents here, great, I get a job for....
oh, wait...
It was a sunny, warm April day and I felt OK, good, great!
"You´re not OK, see your doc, you´re burned out!"
A 40 minutes walk home. And,yes, time to think.
What happened so far?
- Work, 6 months (promised) > 16 years in reality Braunschweig > Wolfsburg (40km one way), driving each day in fear of accident in this weird country where you can go as fast as you like
- Braunschweig > Wolfsburg (40km one way, remember), working 8 hours - Wolfsburg > Göttingen (140 km one way), watching, helping my Dad on his last weeks, cancer won, I saw things I did not want to see. Back to Braunschweig, 110 km
- Brother, breakdown, coming to me. Till I got sick, doc said I am not qualified for this, he got professional help in my town, I worked more so I could be at home for him once a week
- Ingo got sick, nearly died, is chronically ill ever since, hospital, hospital, hospital...
- Mum, cancer, see Dad. We were there.
- Working my as# off to have every Thursdayto help bro in his place - 60km - ...
- Ingo... hospital, hospital, hospital...
- stupid, really mean colleages twice (and heaps great ones)
Brain says: burned out, sounds logical, doc agreed.
- art, origami helped
- work out, walking outside loads, helped. I felt fit. Doc: No
- Citalopram - horror 100%, I really did think I die.
- Cortisone, due to an accident, looong strory, lost a lot of hair and it didn´t help, as I told the doc, too
- Opipram...
I am back in depression, but I will not take any meds no more.
Wish I had a partner.
What does he have?
- a job.
- colleagues who constantanly ask, can you help out, CAN YOU HELP OUT?...
- driving, like I had - my quality of life went up 90% since I could walk to work, driving is a pain here
- fear of loosing the job being 50+
What do we have?
- not much, but stress.
What am I supposed to do?
Burn out is gone. I am "just" depressed.
Yes.
I do know, and I will!
Start training again, go outside, power-walking, no matter how the weather is. Relate on yourself, only "you" are responsible, right.
Sorry, it had to go out. I mostly am a happy person.
People even think I am funny. My Niece once clapped her leg so hard, laughing, her lille Sis came over asking what´s so funny, and reckon I just told a real story, too.
Maybe mostly my life is good. Just not now.
And "now" is taking too long.
Oh, Henry...
12 comments:
...I'm so sorry, I wish that I knew how to help!
Don't know what to say, even I am going through a very bad economic phase because of this Carona Virus Chaos, no certainty of future at all. . . Have you Heard of Homeopathy Medicine they don’t do side effects and are easily available, I myself take it for Depression. If you want to know more let me know. . . . Everything Gone Be Alright. . .
Hi Baby! Did you miss me ...?!
I can tell you that we are "sisters" in burnout and depresie ... the "candies" Citalopram and Opipram have left such a bad taste …
But we will live happily ever after! Right?
A little BIG hug for my Colonel Hathi 🐘
Have a nice evening! xoxo
Life can be so hard sometimes ):
I feel for you, Iris. One day you will find your way out of this maze of emotion and hurt. It is not an easy journey.
Sending you big hugz, Mxx
Lot of things is changing for lot of us. Question...when can you retire?
Coffee is on
I wish I could do something for you, Iris. Where is Ingo in all this? Have you asked him to be supportive and tell him how much you need him right now, if for nothing more than holding you in his arms for awhile?
Stay safe and think POSITIVE, dear. I've never heard of those meds, but I don't ever take meds, so wouldn't know what the were or did.
Tom, it is good just to let it out and even know someone is listening....
____
Manav, thank you, but no, no meds no more! I did try something with safran and it had no efffect, either.
I have to get out of it by myself, and you, who listen :-)
____
Oh, Ella, you went through this crap, too?
Now I´m really glad I let it all out!
Yes, we do live after that, mostly even happy, a little BIG hug from your Hathi xoxo
____
Margaret, thank you, yes, I will find a way back to normal, thank you for being here! xx
____
Oh, Dora, depends. Now they say 67, I think. That would make 21 years!!!! Oh, help!
Oh my goodness Iris you are certainly going through a lot right. So sad for you. I wish I could reach across the ocean and offer you some help. Keep trying, keep thing good thoughts and I know happiness will follow
MB
It is good to write it all down and get it out. I hope you can find some sort of work soon, even a small job that isn't everyday. Even a volunteer job where you don't get paid. Sometimes doing that can lead to paid work.
MB, you DO help this way. I thank you sincerely!
___
River, oh. Come Wednesday I have to give proof I´m not like totally dumb!
See last post. I feel like running away...
Shit#y times..
It's important to get things out, Iris. And some times are just harder than others. Hang in there -- it's all I can say. And hope like crazy things work out right for you.
Post a Comment