After I finished studying the field of architecture was down.
Well, we went to Australia for 7 months...
I had the power after we came back to take the yellow pages. Looked up Architects, went in there with my work - paper on DIN A0, huge, without invitation I marched in again, and again.
Most told me off, they have to let go of good staff, and what I am thinking to bump in like that?!
I took it.
Blablabla, I digitilized my work, learned Flash Action Script and stuff on my own and after having become a graduated engineer I finally gave up and started as little trainee all over and finally made it to "IT analyst".
Now?
Signed sick, wrong meds, wrong meds, wrong meds and once again, wrong meds.
And now I really feel depressive.
I don´t want no meds no more.
Time runs, week by week rushes by and Ingo has no understanding, and NO. I will not see another doc.
I try to fight my way through.
All.By.Myself.
It´s a pain.
"Corinna" does not help.
"Get a job and I have respect again"... At times I want to give up for good.
I.Want.To.Work.!!!!
I want people around me and am stuck at home alone all day.
It´s a pain.
I had the power when I was young.
Now I saw what working life is and I have lost all energy.
All dreams.
I wake up at night with pounding heart, worrying, at times I think I can no more.
YES. Others are off way, way worse, I know.
But taking this all alone is hard.
Sorry.
I am a real person. I am sad, I am hurt, I am fed up, I am desperate. Fear, so many fears. So many "what if´s".
Why had this have to happen, I was agreeing on so much stuff like driving 75 km every day on these crazy no speed-limit-roads with a tiny Polo, even after my accident.
16 damn years!
Post, don´t?
My relationship to my partner is going down the drain.
What can I do, start at Maccas, will he have respect then?
I don´t rely on his money, thanks to my Mum.
I have to pay health insurance privately now.
And I DO feel VERY depressed.
I try to get out of this on my own.
I so hope for a good, happy, long weekend - May 1st is a public holiday - and start fresh.
FRESH, with POWER.
And I need to be strong, like a Lion, right?
I want to work in IT in this very city, no more driving.
Nice colleagues, good work times... feeling happy and useful again...
One good weekend would help...
19 comments:
Tur mir leid dass du wieder so deprimiert bist und hoffe dass du bald einen guten Weg findest! GlG, Valerie
Danke, Valerie, momentan steht ja alles. Man kommt nicht voran.
Nein, das stimmt nicht.
Ich habe keine Kraft, mich aufzuraffen.
Es ist eine Spirale. Biste mal drin, finde raus... Ich werds versuchen. GlG, Iris
...Iris, this is a sad story, all that I can do is wish you well.
Thank you, Tom.
Life is not good at times, that´s all...
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I don't know you well but my email is on my blog and on comments, so please reach out if you need someone else to talk to.
Thank you, Happy Whisk! I´ll do, maybe you can help out...
Oh iris, I am so sorry for all this. I feel sad that you feel that way and I very much understand where you are coming from. I don't know what to say, I am sure you know how I'm not an expert on things like this. But as your friend, one thing I am sure of is that this is just a period of time that you are passing through, it may be long or it may be short, but one important, most important thing is to never stop. I can feel how much you want to work and I actually admire that you know exactly what work you like which is to be an IT Analyst. Just don't give up trying and applying. It may sound like a cliche but I know that the job for you is just in that corner, especially to someone who really wants to have a job, there is a job for you. It's just waiting for you to find it and apply for it. Knowing you in such a short time, I know you are capable and you can do it! I'll be praying for you my friend. It's okay to be not okay, but never give up. The job for you is just there, look, look, look and try, try, try.
Sending you hugs Iris. You'll get through this, never give up!
Stevenson, I thank you big.
I just ... "just" need to get out of this hole and START! And then see.
The big problem is Volkswagen, most rely on that and that would mean: driving.
Which I can no more.
Thank you for your kind words, it helps a lot!!!
Hugs to you and hang in there, too!
I am so sorry that you have problems that can only be made worse by the global downturn in health, social life, group support, and economics. The only thing I can say is that you shouldn't blame yourself for what is happening to you, it's all part of the big picture. And I wish you strength to get through it. Your friends worldwide are hoping for the best for you.
be well... mae at maefood.blogspot.com
Thank you, Mae. It´s hard to not blame oneself.
Thank you, big.
Shit#y times! Right ;-)
It's too bad that you cannot find work in your field. I hope life improves for you soon. Aloha from Hawaii.
Thank you gigi and Aloha! To a nice weekend!
I think we all go through bad times in our lives and everything is not so well. Those times do pass and you just got to stay focused and positive. I don't know what to say, but don't give up. You didn't do anything wrong so don't blame yourself. Onward you go to plow a new road for yourself.
Sunny with some really dark clouds, the rain is headed our way tonight.
Sending some good feeling your way!
Oh Iris, I just want to give you a big hug. I know what you are feeling and it is not an easy journey. Life sometimes is not very nice. Black clouds can cover our blue skies, but always remember that the sun will shine again.
Relationships always have ups and downs, I've never known them to run along an even line (imagine how boring that would be!). Personally, I think our partners are given to us to help us grow as people - and growth means change and that usually hurts!
I am glad you have been able to vent your feelings and tell us how you are struggling. It shows that you have a fighting spirit, that you have the ability within you to survive these rough times. You can win!
Sending you big hugz, dear Iris. Mxx
Iria, this is sad and if we weren't social distancing thousands of miles apart, I would hug you. Feelings like this can weigh us down so very much. But remember one thing -- none of this is your "fault." Part of it might be bad timing, but not your fault. And you want to work. And not at Maccas. It's possible that doing something, anything, might get you out of the apartment and around others, as a place-holder, till you found something that could use your skills. Even if it was to volunteer. I have no idea what exists in your area or if that's even possible.
Depression is a toughie. I've battled it. No. 1 kid has battled it far more seriously. I have no answers but I do know it's real and I hope Ingo will realize that, as well and be able to offer the support you need. Yes, strong like a lion. Fighting depression requires strength and it is the last thing we feel like we have. But you do. You have more than you know.
Big Hugs
I don't understand depression, so I can't help with that. Maybe you can find some volunteer work so you can get out and about and feel like you are doing something worth doing even if you don't get paid for it.
Bill, thank you for your kind words. I try not to blame myself.
And I will try my best, too.
Sunny for now! To a great day for us, right :-)
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Margaret :-) Well, in this... hm... yes. You are right, "perfect" might get boring!
Thank you, yes, I WILL FIGHT! And hopefully WIN!
Thanks, dear, and I give the hug back to youxx
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Jeanie, thank you so much, too. Maccas would really be the very last thing to do, better go out - the sun is shining atm - and get over and done with that depression.
Thank you, too, for saying it´s not my fault, but... I could maybe have done better... It´s a dumb time! A hug and thanks to you for being there for me!
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Padre, thank you.
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River, atm I don´t want to get out and risk my health, but I know what you mean.
I just need to get myself together and get started - that´s what depression does, it keeps you away from that. Leaves you pointless. Sad, doing nothing.
Glad you don´t know it, hope you never will! Let´s smile :-)
I'm very sorry.
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