Maybe you know I have a Brother.
5 1/2 years younger.
A difficult span.
We had tough times.
I remember his, what, 6th Birthday.
For whatever reason he was in a very, very bad mood!
But when I turned up his face lit up like an October-sunshine, we hugged and all was good :-) - see pic above...
* my SIL does not want family pictures being shown fully, hence the "slaughter" of my Bro here.
When I broke my arm, he was there for me, he, no one else (hence the word "ex-boyfriend").
Much later, when his then-girlfriend went a little too arrogant at me I called her "princess" and if Ingo wouldn´t have been standing tall behind me, oh, goodness, who knows. My Bro did not talk to me for a whole year!!! (I didn´t live at our parent´s home anymore).
A whole year.
A whole year...
We just had another fight on the phone - we live totally different lifes.
I wrote a long e-mail and expected nothing.
I do know, with two young kids, work etc, time is a value - plus, he hates to type.
Oh, weeeee.... a loooong e-mail came back that same day (I had Ingo´s Mum on FB chat forever and didn´t notice).
I hope everyone has a sibling like I do.
He said he´s sorry, we (have to) respect each other, always, he said.
Loads I never knew he wrote.
I spent 2 weeks in his place when he studied in Cologne 200...4? We even shared the room and Talked.A.LOT.
I did overtime forever to be there for him every Thursday in 2012 from March to September to clear out our parent´s house after also our Mum´d died.
We cried, we laughed, we found lots of sparkling wine customers had brought - and yes, we had it, hence the laughing (and crying) - I even tried a real cigarette!
It was "just" a bottle a day, shared, as I was driving back to Braunschweig!! We were never drunk!
It was healing, I guess.
The house is still a mess.
There will always be differences.
And respect.
And I will keep this e-mail forever, it makes me proud.
It makes me proud that despite all what was going on back then our parents managed to teach us these values.
Respect and understanding. Acceptance.
Maybe we learned that ourselves, I have no idea. My Brother (and me, too) sometimes sees our childhood as... "not good".
Did I mention the 5+ years? Can you relate? We see things differently, depending on age.
I am very glad we did this via e-mail and not on the phone.
When I´m really sad I can go back to this, calm down before I do anything stupid.
Right?
I am mad at myself I forgot to take a pic of a Lion who sits just a few metres from our family home.
It´s the Braunschweig one - I never went far way ;-) To respect and acceptance (and if you have: great siblings (who can, as we ourselves, be... you know))....
Lion of the day:
Yay for siblings like that.
Addendum. Our family lawyer, who had to take care of the last will of our Mum, said he near to never finds such peace and understanding in these situations. We just said yes to everything.
In my eyes, in the aftermath it was not fair, from my side! I got the better part, it turned out! But we didn´t have an idea of that back then... But I make up for it.
17 comments:
Eine gute Einstellung sich vertragen zu wollen. Ich komme aus ainer total zuruttete Familie, zu viele schlechte Erinnerungen! Dir ein schönes Wochenende, LG, Valerie
So happy you and your brother worked things out Iris. Luckily my sisters and I get on well, sadly we all live in different continents.
Valerie, das tut mir sehr leid! Bei uns war auch nicht alles gut, aber wir haben irgendwie zusammengehalten. Es war gut genug um zusammen zu lachen...
Sami yes - and no! On one hand it certainly must be a pain to not see your sisters!!! To not being able to hug them - but then, on the other hand you ALL have such a great life, travelling the world!
...I have a sister who is a couple of years younger than I. We are estranged and I haven't spoken to her in years. You can pick your friends, but not your family.
Yes it sure is great to have strong sibling bonds.
Tom, well, you are right. You cannot pick family.
But why not grab some flowers and pop by, say hello? Because...
magigeceye, yes! It´s a bond, somehow!
Glad to hear that situations brought you together.
Alexandria, yes, I´ll never give him away :-)
It doesn't always work out. I have two sisters I have chosen to cut out of my life and will never speak to again, let alone trust. Emotional abuse, an inability to change... a lot of therapy taught me that protecting your own well being means setting up whatever boundaries it takes.
I am very sorry for you and thankful that we did "better"!
My elder sister (now deceased) was 5 years older than me - a difficult age gap I think. It was like she belonged to an older generation so we didn't always see eye to eye.
So happy you get on with your brother Iris.. my sisters drive me nuts at times but I love them dearly and am glad we all live so close to each other 💙
Joan Elizabeth, yes, sometimes its not eye to eye - I am very sorry you lost hwe....
Grace, yes to everything, we just ahd a long chat on the the phone today :-) (Lille Niece´s Birthday)
Values are the greatest gift a parent can give a child. I loved reading this. As one who never had a sibling, I've always wished I did -- even if the times can be very trying at moments! This is quite lovely, Iris.
Jeanie, without my Brother I´d... oh, I don´t know, I maybe´d given up.
I always wished for one and yes, we had and have hard times, but so many beautiful moments together, too!!
It is so sad SIL tries to tear us apard...
Oh dearest Iris! This is such a beautiful post that you shared! I am so proud of how you guys grew up together. You are right some of it was because of your parents but also. I think your values about respect and understanding are self taught or even you both taught each other. I have two older brothers, the one live sin the US and the other is here in our house too. He is the eldest. We are not very close as friends but he is nice. Before we always fight too because in our family, its always the eldest who gets the way in everything and the youngest is always the one blamed on everything and asked to do everything as well HAHA But now he is better now and treats me better too. So yes, I grew up having my cousin who I look to as my sister. We did a lot of things together like travel and we were also classmates from kinder until highschool and went to the same University. I can never imagine life without her! The thing when you called your brother's ex-girlfriend a princess had me laughing!!!
Thank you so much dearest Iris for always taking part of Timeless Thursdays! I very much appreciate it and I get to learn more about you my dear friend through your memories! Hugs!!!
Stevenson
What?! Here it was the other way round! I had to do the chores, I had to fight for every right and my little Brother livedlike a "Prince".
He did something wrong and oh so often I was blamed!
Oh, you wouldn´t have laughed, my Brother was really mad at me...
Hugs to you, too, dear Stevenson, you started one fun thing here!
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